https://docs.google....dit?usp=sharing IGN:ShadowTheFox RP Name: Shadow Black Age Bracket: 1-13
Okay so, there are a few suggestions I have for your story.
1. You used a lot of commas instead of periods. You used 'and' a lot, which, imo, makes it very annoying to read tbh.
2. You could have used more descriptive words. Instead of saying "it was a tragic accident," for example, you could have said "She barely remembered her mother. The only memory was when she died. It was a terrible and tragic accident. She remembered crying for hours, missing her mum, her only protection."
3. For the chapters I suggest going to a new page every new chapter. I also suggest putting it in the center and maybe underlining, using bold, italics, or making it a bigger font. It just makes it easier to read.
4. You used a lot of capitalization wrong. I believe there is a tool in google docs that will correct this, but I'm not too sure.
5. I noticed that you used the wrong spelling at times. There is a tool in Google Docs that will also search for these and tell you how to correct them.
6. For dialogue you should go down a line for each new person who speaks. Example:
"How are you, Sean?" Ashley asked.
"I'm good, how are you?" Sean replied. "I had a lot of homework, which sucks," he said, pulling out parchment.
7. You missed a lot of Grammar. Always be sure you have the right " in the right place, commas, periods, and right punctuation.
8. You didn't have to put at the top it was written by you on every page o3o You also didn't need to put "Thanks for reading!" at the end.
You were submitted for entry. You might want to fix these, but it's up to you, I won't make you. Good luck.
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